what gets me through my day

have you guys ever sat back and listened to all the noises that are happening around you? i have a problem....im a chewaphobic....i cant handle hearing people chew. it doesnt end there tho. if you happen to gulp your water the wrong way and it makes that gulp gulp noise?ew!!!!!!!!!! but it just so happens god put me in a office with a man that does all that nonsense....heres what this mans day consists of. walks into the office...no no wait he obnoxiously walks into the office.he busts out his grits immedietely with his croissant. hes gotta have his croisssant. he makes the grits and manages to get it all in his mouth...as he eats he smacks...sometimes ill be lucky enough to get a glance of a piece of food on his lip just chillen there. personally, i feel bad for that lil piece of food. sometimes i wana save it from his mouth. as he finishes all his food he goes mmmm mmmm mmmm. since when was it okay to make love to your food? its not okay. in life we have what is called manners. did we forget about these? how about fucking popcorn. have we forgotten that u could make less noise eating popcorn if u place the popcorn in your mouth and then chew rather than waiting for that piece of popcorn to immedietely hit your mouth and chomp away? all these noises need to go away! no. im wrong. they must go away! im losing my sanity. just the other day i had to remove myself from the office until he was done chewing. my boss wonders why it takes me so long to do my work. what am i suppose to say? um so and so was chewing and i couldnt concentrate? sure so now i look like the fucking psycho. it gets better. if i am away from my desk and my phone rings and i cant get to it but the chewing devil is by my phone he takes the innitiative to answer it. super nice right? THE FUCKING PROBLEM IS....HE ANSWERS MY PHONE. so you mean to tell me after all you consumed plus with that little piece of food still chillen on your lip your goin to infect my phone so i could then get ill from your bacteria? hes lucky i have stashes of alcohol in the office so my phone can be cleaned. no morals no values. i gave him a dollar to go get me peanuts and i happened to get busy forgot i asked him for peanuts. the next day i asked him where my dollar was and he had the balls to say oh i forgot. oh ok um cAN i have my dollar? oh um um um ill get you back next week. oh. real fuckn nice. this is the type of atmosphere where if you dont find something to get you through your day u might as well just off yourself...dont make fun i know its crazy but im in love with 93.9 the lite robin fucn rock....man that lady plays old school music that puts me in a bubble where nobody can fuck with me....we got supertramp the logical song, train that stupid hey soul sister song i love billy joel shes got a way lets not forget crackhead paula abdul straight up throw in sum bangles wilson phillips richard marx and finally.....des'ree you gotta be....i just dont think it could get any better then that...old school yes...but i cant possibly enjoy 24inch rims hoes on the reg and boots wit the fur while trying to woosa out the chewing devil....ever notice how you listen to certain music as to how ur mood is? well gimme sum rap with chew devil and id start shanking left and right....ahhhhh that felt good. now i can go rest.everyone please feel free to walk on eggshells around me when your about to eat. im sure theres a youtube video out there on how to chew correctly....so go look it up and waste some time.... it is friday so ill be back monday. unless something absurd happens to me...which im sure it will. ta ta